8 Wedding Cliches

Once, many years ago, a short time after the dinosaurs ruled the planet, there were several hot trends in the world of weddings. For those who have forgotten and those who want to know the don'ts of their or friends' weddings, here are the top eight most unappealing things you can see at a wedding.
1. Walk down the aisle to the sounds of the song "Nishba" (I swear)

Along with Aha and Glasnost, the eighties brought with them Haim Moshe's song "Nishba" ("It's coming now, and for the best… I swear on my life."). The song that touched many made it deep into the wedding aisle and settled down. What's surprising is that the singer himself, may he live long, has survived so many broken vows.

2. Here Comes the Train Again

You're grooving innocently on the dancefloor, when suddenly you are grabbed by the waist and you hear a cry of "traaaaain". You look back fearfully, and see a total stranger behind you, completely drunk and with a look that says "Try and Stop me - I dare you." Not only are your ribs at risk of breaking, but you are the engine of this train of horrors. You realize only a tsunami can rescue you from this disaster.

3. Champagne Pyramid

To tell you the truth, from the very first time I laid eyes on this alcoholic-light vision at Suzie Alkachi's Bat Mitzva, I was drawn to it like a thirsty man in the desert, but couldn't figure out how it worked. The pyramid, that came blowing out of the Halls on Hamasger St. and has swept through the venues of Ramla and the Coast, is as fashionable today as leggings and bandanas.

4. MC Hosting

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the bride and groom with applause, hands above your heads everyone, you too granny, no excuses, let's honor the royal couple and the DJ Simon who will dance you till you drop…" You can see why hosting is no longer fashionable.

5. Video Effects

There are many video related effects that have lost their glory, starting from paper landscape backdrops and pre-wedding photos at Neve Zedek, but the top of them all is the old style video editing with its effects: splitting the screen into two, four, eight, and so on, till the head waiter looks like a tumor in a vest. We should also mention the couple's slow dance pasted on the backdrop of the ocean, that looks like the climax of a Friday evening Arabic movie.

6. Surprises at the Huppa

Have you ever invited someone to your home, left the door open and hid in the bathtub? It took a while, but humanity has finally realized that if a wedding lasts five hours, two hours of hiding in the family room until the dramatic entry to the huppa are a very long time.

7. Active Bar

Bargirls dancing around the dancefloor with their private parts flashing, recycled test-tubes with cheap alcohol, a scalped watermelon with thirty spiked straws, tequilas manufactured in Rishon Lezion slammed, old aunts drawn to the limbo stick, morning after hangovers and two days of vomiting - definitely out of fashion.

8. Mushroom Burekas (Pastry)

It's hard to pick out one trend of all those that have gone out of fashion, perhaps because so many people still want those terrible byegones at wedding halls all over the country. On this list of indignities are Waldorf Salad, Fried Cigars, Filo Pastry stuffed with Faux beef, Dry Rolls on an empty plate - and the best of all: Jumbo Burekas drowning in mushroom sauce from a can.